After years of scraping together money to keep myself and family afloat(ish) I've decided to go back to my old penurious ways and devote time to reflection as I used to do. It's a hard decision in hard times but without time one cannot continue to be a poet, and if I am anything at all, that's all I am. After years of being ruled by money, in however small amounts, it's difficult to adjust to the regimen of reading and reflection and thinking without guilt about the treadmill. Reflection begins to feel 'undisciplined' - one's mind has become used to the constant distraction of activity and to the inanition of task and deadline. Instead of being the secondary offshoots of the main occupation, they can take over your entire world.
Today I am reading, thinking, writing. And tonight, when I have finished reading, I will do the necessary literary tasks.
1 comment:
hi chris, i think it is so very difficult to stop (get off the wheel, the world, the other tasks) and take the time for reflecting, thinking, musing and daydreaming - writing poetry.
for many many years i wrote and worked and worked, sometimes unable to write well enough to make anything of value. i watched my family grow and thrive, watched my writing take a second place...and i'd guess i'd do it all again.
only a few years ago i started focusing on my poetry again, got some forward moves going, a little bit of bliss and reward. as of this year, i've ceased working full time and want to pursue my poetry, am pursuing it - but i have noticed how ageist the poetry world seems to be about poets catching their stride after forty and how dismal the outlook seems for poets trying to pursue an emerging status at over forty-five and into the fifties.
all the wonderful things that are stored in my basket, only now starting to bloom...and reflecting not what is happening for me. i'm experimenting and inventing and loving it.
cheers,
louise
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